listening to 'milk alloy' at 2100 hours

I mean, you can look back.

You thought you knew what was going on, but you found out you really didn't. Everything around you is charged with some officious reason, but can you shake the feeling that the officious is the least momentous? Somehow, you wonder if maybe it's just a little too late to fix all the problems around you by wearing the uniform you shoved into the back of the cupboard.

You know, you can look back.

The room is plain, wooden, studded with bare nails. The bed is small, sagging, tarnished brass-paint, discolored white comforter. The mirror is spotted, warped. No curtains hang in the window, and it's not a pretty view. The town is as bare as the room.

But still, you can look back.

Sometimes, at night, you hum to yourself. 'milk alloy' at 2100 hours. It's not a soothing song, the metallic mistaste, but maybe it quenches your thirst. Sometimes, in the morning, the sun is like honey stained on the floor. It's not a satisfying thing, that moving sun, but it reminds you of eden behind, paradise before.

And yeah, you can look back.

That night you were born, the mud-black hole, the body waste and the labor pains, was a quiet dead first note. But you're in the second movement now, and it's all crescendo on from here. Your feet, they walk on trash-filled ground, deep sucking mud, and sometimes far from the right way, but yeah, it's all crescendo from here.

And you, you can look back.

All the opening notes were like white soap. All the closing notes will be like golden rain, milk alloyed with honey. And in between the click of the light and the start of the dream, some will taste like milk alloyed with brass, and some will feel like honey stirred with trash. But you don't have to put on that uniform. You don't have to get too tired and fall asleep in the mud. But you don't have to feel the imprint of bare nails in your cheek; but you can feel the imprint of bare nails. And if the music is like blues, sobs of distorted guitar sometimes, you don't have to forget that it's all crescendo going up, even if the movement's not all joyous.

But still- you, you can look back.