missing alan lyle and things that happen because of it

I can't resist, at the least appropriate times, mentioning that alan lyle is missing from wherever I am. In the middle of a fight is my favorite, especially if I'm mad at myself for losing my cool. I choke down some futile tears and say, "alan lyle should be here right now." usually i walk away then, while the other person is too angry to ask who alan lyle is anyways.

they probably wouldn't understand, even if i put it in the plainest terms about wide fields to lose a business rival in, endless split rail fences without him, a hardwood pavilion with alan's arms around me. it is because they don't understand that i miss alan lyle.

sometimes there's an awkward silence in the middle of a conversation with a total stranger (like tonight, when i was talking to the fjc student, in between when i said, 'yeah, i'd kind of like to learn the bass,' and our rapid thinking of what to say next). i leaned forward conspiratorially and said, 'alan lyle ought to be here,' and he asked for an explanation and i shook my head. 'alan lyle... not something you would understand,' but then he shrugged and said he thought he would, and for two minutes, i didn't miss alan lyle.

it took me thirty minutes on the guitar to miss him again once i got home. alan lyle has been missing for a long time. sometimes i thinking singing a song for him isn't enough. (alan lyle, i know you avoid thinking about me, and that includes reading my blog, but if you ever happen to read this... i think you're missing from places i need you.)